The 2 Sides of a Cynic
By Chris Fabris
Daria, Jane and all related characters are trademarks of MTV enterprises
used with permission (I can only hope)
Mumm-ra, Mongor, Ma-mutt, and all related characters are trademarks of
Rankin/Bass entertainment 1985 and are used with permission (I can only
Okay a little back story: A couple of years ago I created The Real
Adventures of Daria Morgendorffer a series of personal stories (all of
which were eventually destroyed) that pitted Daria against Johnny
Quest-like villains (i.e. Jeremiah Trent) My prized story was called
Liberty Play and pitted Daria (and special guests the Simpsons), against
the evil Ezekiel DeMartino. Anyway long story short, I dumped the Quest
format and made Daria and Jane into heroes with James-Bond like gadgets
and fight the fiendish Mumm-ra(from Thundercats) and his plans to rule
the world. (Of course they also battled other villians he was just their
arch-enemy.) In this story Mumm-ra uses his powers to create a villain
that Daria has clashed with several times: the Nega-Daria, her evil
twin. So if you like action, weird gadgets, and incredible battles....go
read someone else's story. But mine's pretty good too.
Feel free to borrow any elements of this story(including Nega-Daria)
for your own equally creative stories. Enjoy.
It was a dark night in Cario, Egypt and Mumm-ra, the Everliving wouldn't
ask for anything better. Ever since a dimensional portal freed him from
Third Earth he had sought numerous times to rule our planet. The one
flaw in his plan was a pair of troublesome teenagers Daria Morgendorffer
and her friend Jane Lane who had thwarted his earlier schemes. But
tonight was different for tonight he had a diabolical plan. "Yes yes" he
said evily "at last a spell that will enable me to destroy that
miserable Daria Morgendorffer hahahahaha. And all I need" he said "is a
strand of her hair" With that he turned to the left. There was a group
of rock warriors known as shapti*, Mumm-ra created them to do his evil
bidding. "Go my shapti bring me a hair from my intended victims."
Mumm-ra said. The shapti obeyed and teleported out, "soon Ma-mutt that
foolish girl will feel my wrath hahahahaha"
Meanwhile back in Lawndale Daria and her friend Jane were watching
television "Call me crazy but I think these Sick Sad world topics get
worse every day" said Jane "Okay your crazy" Daria replied. Suddenly
the phone rang . "Who could that be?" Daria asked "A crazed
telemarketer?" asked Jane "Possibly that or some nut" said Daria and
picked up the phone" hello?" "Daria it's me Jodie" she said "there's
some shapti detected in town" "Shapti huh any idea what they want?" "Not
a clue" their confidant and gadgetmaker replied. "Okay were on it bye"
and she hung up the phone "Jane we've got problems, more shapti" "Again?
This makes what now three attacks this week?" Jane asked. "Hey as
defenders of truth and justice we must defend everyone even if they are
self-absorbed jerks" Daria said. "Okay" Jane said "but let's hurry back
or we'll miss our show" The 2 girls then rushed out the door and ran
through the streets. "How will we find them?" Jane asked "perhaps that
large group of spear carrying rock creatures could help us" Daria said
sarcastically. "Real funny" Jane said then turned to the shapti "hey
rock piles behind you" The shapti turned around just as Jane whipped out
her paintbrush. "let's paint the town red rocky" she said and fired. Her
paintbrush missile made direct contact with the shapti blowing him to
pieces. Daria on the other hand encountered 2 of the evil warriors.
"Okay guys let's not do anything you might regret..or something I would
anyway" In a manner of minutes Daria's lazer pen was activated and she
zapped them. "Those shapti always fall to pieces over their job" she
remarked. Jane used her spinning palette disk to behead one, then used
the head to bowl over two others. "All right a strike" she said "Jane
one shaptis zero." "Good work partner" Daria said "looks like you
finished the last ones." "Yeah well after all the times we've battled
them you get a knack for it eventually" she said. "still I wonder what
they wanted here?" "What do you think probably trying to destroy us
again" Daria said. "Oh yeah good point" Jane said then looked at her
watch. "whoa look at the time we've got to get back before the show
ends." The 2 girls quickly turned tail and rushed home, unbeknownst to
them the stranger in the bushes. When they had left a shapti left the
cover of the bush and walked down the street they had came. Sure enough
while they had ran over they had lost strands of hair, the shapti
grabbed several of the strands then disappeared.
Back at Mumm-ra's pyramid the shapti arrived and delivered the hair to
it's master. "Ah excellent the ingredient I need to spell Daria's doom."
he said. Taking the hair he dropped it in his cauldron then called "oh
great spirits of evil use your powers and give life, evil life to these
hairs." Suddenly the 4 statues surrounding his cauldron shot blasts of
energy into the cauldron and the water began to boil and swirl. Ma-mutt
whimpered and cowered in fear behind his evil master while Mumm-ra stood
on. soon 2 shapes began to form in the water and slowly they developed
features: legs, bodies, arms, etc. Mumm-ra stood and laughed evily as
his creatures came to fruition "at last the beings I need to destroy
Daria" he said. Soon the creatures developed full form and became human.
"At last behold the Nega-Daria and Nega-Jane" Mumm-ra exclaimed. It was
true the 2 evil beings looked like their counterparts. Nega-Daria looked
and spoke like Daria but her hair was light brown and ended in split
ends. She wore the same clothes as Daria only different colors: a black
jacket (with flames on the cuffs and the bottom) and gray boots and
skirt. Nega-Jane looked like her counterpart but wore a green vest. Also
her shorts and boots were black and her leggings were dark gray. The 2
looked around then spoke "You must be Mumm-ra the everliving" asked
Nega-Daria "I am." "let me guess you probably want us to destroy our
good twins is that right?' Nega-Daria asked. "Exactly" Mumm-ra said
"suits me fine" said Nega-Daria "I'd like a chance to nail my sarcastic
twin" "Ditto" Nega-Jane piped in. "Now I must rest to conserve my power"
Mumm-ra said "but tomorrow you shall show me what you can do" "Not a
problem Mumm-ra" Nega-Daria said "good" Mumm-ra said and he drifted into
his sarcophagus. "So what are we going to do?" asked Nega-Jane "For now
we obey that mummy moron" Nega-Daria said "but once I obtain certain
equipment we are outta here." "You are incredibly evil" Nega-Jane said
"Duh i'm an evil twin stupid" Nega-Daria replied.
The next morning was a typical one at the Morgendorffer house. Jake was
up eating breakfast and swearing over the contents of the mornings news.
"Dammit food prices have gone up again what has this world come to?" he
asked. "There there Jake" his wife Helen said reassuring him "I'm sure
that not all the food has been raised." "yeah" said Daria "I'm certain
they wouldn't raise the price of doughnuts because then no one would eat
breakfast" "Hey yeah you're right" Jake exclaimed. "Umm thanks for that
social commentary dear" Helen said. Soon Quinn joined the happy little
group "can't stay for breakfast mom I've got to get to school" she said.
"Why" asked Daria "you have another date that has something you want to
use?" "No any way it's none of your business Daria" Quinn replied
angrily. "Good" said Daria "I didn't feel like throwing up I just had
breakfast after all." "Ha ha" Quinn said sarcastically and walked away.
"I do wish you girls would try to get along" Helen said "You're better
off wishing for world peace" Daria replied and left the table. Daria
soon walked her way down to Jane's house and knocked on the door. "Ohh
hi Daria" Trent said "Oh hi Trent" said Daria "is Jane ready yet?"
"Whoa I think so" he turned inside "hey Janey Daria's here" In a manner
of minutes Jane was at the door 'thanks Trent" she said and shut the
door. "What's the problem?" Daria asked "none of the usual try to set me
up with your brother tricks" "Nah it was an inappropriate moment" she
replied. "anyway did you discover what those rockbrains were doing here
last night?" "No I'm sure it was just another routine assassination
attempt." Daria replied. "Yeah still we should check in with Jodie to
see what new equipment she has for us" Jane said "A good idea if
Mumm-ra's goons are hanging out around here we'll need refills of
weaponry" Unknown to our heroines, a pair of evil figures watched them
from afar. "Can we fry those goodie goods yet?" asked Nega-Jane. "No
first we've got to deal with old man rags and his goons, then those
brats are ours" "Ohh nasty" Nega-Jane replied.
Daria and Jane soon arrived at school and were opening their lockers
when Jodie came over. "Hey guys" she said the whispered "how goes the
rock situation?" 'All handled thanks, once again to your gizmos" Jane
said "That reminds me" Daria said "after school we need to stop at the
"lab" and pick up some new devices" "Not a problem" said Jodie "speaking
of devices I wish you create one that would make Kevin and Brittany
disappear." Jane commented as the dimwit duo walked over. "Hey Daria"
said Kevin "what are you guys talking about?" "Jodie was telling us her
idea to make a new improved football helmet" Daria replied. "Cool" said
Kevin "how does it work" "it's very simple" Jane said "you wear it, bash
your head a few times and end up dumber then you are already."
"Uhh....cool" Kevin said, "when can we expect to see this new helmet?"
Brittany asked. "At the next football game, we'll replace Kevin's usual
one." Daria answered. "Great" said Kevin "well catch you later" and he
and Brittany walked away. "Do you think Kevin will notice there is no
new football helmet?" Jane asked. "The way he plays he probably won't
remember we even had this conversation, come on let's get to class."
After school Daria, and Jane followed Jodie back to her house. "Mom a
couple of friends are coming over for a while!" Jodie shouted. "Okay
honey" her mom replied back from the other room. "Okay guys lets go" she
said and opened the door to her basement. When she was down the stairs
she approached another more boarded up door. Jodie opened it and turned
on the light. The room was filled with all manner of test tubes and
technological devices. "Come over to my project table and I'll show you
my newest developments" she said. "Jodie my friend you never cease to
amaze me" Jane said looking at what appeared to be some sort of lazer
weapon. "Well it helps that you guys supply me with reward money for
criminals so that I can design and build these things" she said "Anyway
for you Daria I have this, it looks like a normal eraser, but it you rub
it against a hard surface it will spark" "Just perfect for the junior
arsonists kit" Daria said. "And for you Jane I have this, it's
concentrated gunpowder disguised as artists chalk Just use it, set it on
fire and watch the results." "Thanks this will fool those damn brats
down the street who keep wanting to borrow my chalk." "Thanks for the
gear Jodie I'm sure will find good uses for it" Daria said. "Your
welcome, now you had better get home, I'll let you know of any upcoming
events" "Okay so long" said Jane and the 2 girls left the house.
"Boy that was nice now we've got some nice new gadgets" Jane replied.
"Yeah now if we only had something to try them out on" Daria said.
Suddenly a band of shapti rushed from concealed hiding places. "Be
careful what you say next time Daria" Jane said as she prepared one of
her paintbrushes. "Well well we meet again" said a voice from in front
of them, the 2 girls turned to see Mongor, an evil goat standing there.
"Mongor I should have guessed Mumm-ra would send a fleabag like yourself
to head this group." Jane replied. "Clever young one, destroy them!" he
shouted. Jane readied her paintbrush but a blast from one of the
blasting spears disarmed her. "Hey" she said and attempted to pick up
her lost weapon. Daria meanwhile used her lazer pen to slice through one
shapti, but Mongor taking advantage of this distraction, swung his
sickle. "Uhh" Daria groaned as she dodged the blade, however 2 shapti
grabbed her from behind. "Hey Jane a little help here" she said "love to
Daria but as you can see I've got my own problems" said Jane as she
fought off a shapti. His spear knocked away her weapon and before she
could reach for a new one, one grabbed her from behind. "Excellent all
is going according to plan" Mongor said and turned to his left "get the
truck." Soon a large white truck, driven by 2 shapti drove up. "Now for
you two" he said to Daria and Jane and sprayed a white threadlike
substance from his fingers, instantly wrapping up the girls. "That
should hold them" he said and turned to his troops "put them in" the
shapti opened the trucks door and tossed the 2 girls in, then they piled
in the back and drove off. "Daria" Jane whispered "where do you think
they're taking us?" "Id' rather not know" Daria replied.
Soon the truck came to a stop outside an old warehouse on the outskirts
of town. "Okay grab the girls and bring them inside" Mongor ordered. The
shaptis picked up the girls and took them inside the warehouse. They set
them down on chairs and tied them up. "Thanks for the convenient
service" Jane said, "shut up fools" Mongor said "Mumm-ra should be here
shortly and then the fun will begin." "In the meantime" he said grinning
"why don't you meet some friends of ours?" he whistled and the evil
twins revealed themselves from the shadows. "What the?" asked an amazed
Jane "it's me only with worse fashion sense." "They are your evil twins
created by Mumm-ra to destroy you" Mongor replied. "Right" said
Nega-Daria "oh and goat boy bad news seems your boss won't be showing up
tonight....or ever" "What do you mean?" Mongor asked "well seems that
while you were out me and Nega-Jane masterminded a series of
electronics robberies.." "You said that was to create a machine to help
Mumm-ra" Mongor replied. "It did help him it helped him right back to
where he came from and now that we've sent him back..." "You're next"
Nega-Jane finished. "No I'll destroy you" Mongor shouted charging at
them with his sickle upraised. "That's very unlikely" Nega-Daria said,
and she revealed she was standing next to he machine "Hasta la vista
goat man" she said firing up the machine whoosh! it fired a beam of
lazer energy than opened into a wormhole. "What ahhhh nooo!" Mongor
shouted as he unwittingly ran into the hole. "Game over man" Nega-Daria
said and she turned off the machine.
"Listen we appreciate you evil twins disposing of Mumm-ra and his
friends for us but I really want to know why?" Jane asked. "Simple
enough" Nega-Daria said "Mumm-ra created us to destroy you, once we had
done so, we would be worthless and would be destroyed. We couldn't have
that you see I have plans for this world, and he didn't fit in any of
them. But the last of his emissaries is gone now so no one ,except for
you, can stop me" "Okay my turn" Daria said "how were you made?" "From
strands of hair and lots of dark magic, I was created to be your evil
twin I would do things that you wouldn't ever think of doing, like
blowing up your school, or picking out matching clothes, or even kissing
your friends very attractive musician brother." "Hey she likes Trent how
about that, and also Daria probably would blow up ourr school" Jane said
"Stuff it, and I'd rather destroy art than create it." Nega-Jane said.
"You twin bastard" Jane replied. "So what now the usual explain your
plan then destroy us thing?" asked Daria. "Wrong you'll hear my plan but
you can also watch as I put it into fruition." "Great can we have
popcorn?" Jane asked. "You see" Nega-Daria said "I know I can't
reproduce the dark magic that Mumm-ra used to create me, but if I
recreated it as a beam of the exact frequency and power I could use it
to make evil twins of everyone in the world, starting with this little
burg." "And let me guess you have the technology to do so?" Daria said.
"Oh indeed those robberies weren't just for parts to my portal device.
Why look around even as we speak these shapti are assembling my device,
and soon it will be ready for use." "Well I must say you certainly
thought this through but where do we fit in?" Daria said. "well my
'twin' " Nega-Daria said almost spitting out the word, "I went through
all this trouble to bring you here so I could destroy you personally"
"I feel so important" Daria replied, "your sarcastic barbs are as dry as
I figured they'd be, I feel upset that I'm the twin of such a worthless
individual." "Well I don't see you dispensing much more humorous
sarcasm" Daria said. "I would" said Nega-Daria " but I have more
important things to attend to namely world domination. Speaking of
which", she said turning around "I believe my machine is complete so I
must bid you adieu." With that she walked over to the machine and began
the startup. "Daria you're evil twin is a real jerk" Jane said. "That's
for sure" "so any ideas on how we can escape?" Jane asked. "Well I do
have one story it's about a girl who grabs a lazer pen from her pocket
and uses it to cut her bonds" Daria said. "Great how long is it?" Jane
asked "Oh I'd say another five seconds" Daria replied. Instantly the
ropes around her hands fell away, she then quickly untied her feet then
slipped Jane the pen. "Well Daria are you ready to watch your sordid
little burg become a sordid little burg of evil?" Nega-Daria asked.
"Thanks but I'll pass" Daria replied, Nega-Daria turned around just as
Daria lunged at her. "What I don't know how you got free but I'll make
you wish you hadn't shapti attack!" she shouted. The shapti rushed
forward spears a firing, suddenly one exploded for no reason. "What
the..?" asked Daria and turned over to see Jane blowing off smoke from a
paintbrush missile. "Hi partner" she said "here catch" and she hurled
the lazer pen. Daria caught it and used it to carve the next shapti into
rubble. Two of the fiends rushed a t Jane firing their spears, she
ducked and the blasts destroyed them. "They should aim better" Jane
mused. The final 2 shapti charged at the girls "These ones are mine"
Jane said and fired off a pair of her missiles, they contacted and
destroyed them. "Good work Jane now lets finish off this evil machine"
Daria said, "not so fast" a voice said, the girls turned around to
discover Nega-Daria and Nega-Jane leveling futuristic like weapons at
them. "Nice guns where'd you get them Libya?" Daria asked , "I built
them, weaponry is one of my skills." Nega-Daria replied. "Good but can
you can you pat your head and rub your tummy at the same time?" Jane
asked. "No but I can destroy a pair of annoying teenagers who are
planning to ruin my schemes. I've waited a whole day for this" she said
cocking her weapon. Suddenly Daria rushed forward and tackled her twin,
Nega-Jane leveled her gun and tried to shoot her but a kick from Jane
felled her. "Jane stop the machine" Daria ordered, "aye aye captain"
Jane said mockingly and rushed over. "Hmm okay this control pad looks
hard top use guess I'll have to destroy this thing, but with what I'm
out of missiles.?" She thought for a moment then realized "of course the
explosive chalk" she grabbed it a drew a series of patterns on the
machine. "Now all I need is something to light it with." Jane said, 'How
about my lazer blasts" asked Nega-Jane who had recently recovered and
now was firing at Jane. "Hey easy you could kill some...oh right" Jane
said, "so long miss artist send my regards to Picasso." Nega-Jane said.
"I would but I'm not VanGough-ing anywhere." Jane said and she whipped
out her palate. It knocked the gun out of her hands and Jane felled her
twin with a quick punch. "Daria quick the eraser give it tome" Jane
shouted. "In a minute I'm a little busy here" said Daria as she
struggled with her twin "prepare to die sarcastabitch**" Nega Daria
said. "You'd think the evil me wouldn't have to make up her own words.
"Daria said and punched her twin in the face while she recoiled, Daria
tossed Jane the eraser. Jane then drew a chalk line on the floor,
sparked eraser and lit the chalk. Nega-Daria had recovered and at that
time saw the flame line "no!" she shouted but it was too late, the flame
went to the large diagram of chalk and the machine exploded. "No you
ruined all my plans" Nega-Daria shouted, "was that a bad thing?" Jane
asked. "Now you and you artsy companion shall never leave here alive."
Nega-Daria said and she raised her weapon, but as luck would have it a
piece of falling debris landed on the gun. "Damn" Nega-Daria said and
after blowing out the fire she retrieved her broken weapon, "Nega-Jane
come on lets get out of here" Her companion got up and quickly hurried
to the nearby truck. "Daria I think we should take the advice of our
twins and blow this joint before it blows" Jane said. "Point taken"
Daria replied and the 2 girls rushed out. Two minutes later the
warehouse exploded. "Well this will make the news for sure" Jane
Later that day Daria and Jane where watching the news on TV. "It seems a
warehouse in a section of Lawndale was destroyed today in an explosion.
No word yet as to what caused the explosion, although police say machine
parts, namely those stolen from certain labs were recovered in the
explosion." "Oh my God a warehouse exploded right here in our own town"
Jake said. "Oh dear and where were you girls when this happened?" asked
Helen, "over at Jane's" was all Daria would reply. "well thank God you
weren't anywhere near that explosion, honestly some people can be so
careless think how much of the city that could have taken out.." Helen
ranted. Daria ignored her as she and Jane went up to her room. "So
Jodie" Daria called on the cell phone "did you see the news?" "I sure
did" she replied "it was Mumm-ra's doing right?" "Not exactly we met up
with our evil twins he created, they sent Mumm-ra and Mongor back to
where they came from and tried to rule the world the standard villain
thing." "So Mumm-ras' gone?" "Yeah but this evil twin of mine is even
worse and I have a feeling we'll meet again." "I hope not for your sake
well bye" "Yeah so long" Daria said, and hung up the phone "just great
one of our major enemies is defeated but now we've got an even worse one
to contend with." "Relax Daria we beat her once we can do it again" Jane
said "and besides who's to say she'll ever come back to this burg again
anyway?" "I suppose your right Jane" said Daria "now let's see what Sick
Sad World has in store for us tonight." And they sat down to watch TV.
* the shapti are actually from a show called Mummies alive, but Mumm-ra
had no henchmen and I figured what the hell they're both Egyptian, they
can serve Mumm-ra.
** sarcastibitch is a word I heard on an episode of the Drew Carey Show.
I was looking for a chance to use it and I figured an evil person would
think it was a good word to describe(or insult) Daria
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