The Tick Versus 3rd Earth - Chapter 5
By Bill Taylor
The Tick Versus 3rd Earth
By Bill Taylor
Chapter 5: The Siege
It was a beautiful day. Lion-O, Panthro, Cheetara, and Snarf were out front
playing poker. There wasn’t much going on, so it seemed safe to play poker
outside, seeing as how it was too beautiful a day to waste inside. Normally,
Tygra played fourth with them, but since he was out with the kittens, so Snarf
was filling in. The Sword of Omens was inside so that Lion-O wasn’t tempted
to use its “Sight Beyond Sight” to cheat and win the game. So far, Cheetara
was winning, and wearing a not so humble smirk on her face.
“I’ll raise ten and throw in my staff.”
“I’ll see your ten, but I’m not throwing in anything else, SNYARF.”
“I’ll see your ten, throw in twenty and raise you my nun-chucks.”
“I’ll see your twenty, and raise you my claw shield.”
“SNYARF SNYARF, lay ‘em down! I got pair of threes!”
“I’ve got four eights,” said Panthro.
“Straight flush! Beat that!” laughed Lion-O.
“Royal flush,” Cheetara grinned almost wickedly.
“You shouldn’t get so cocky, Lion-O! It’ll only jinx you!” Cheetara laughed as
she raked in the winnings, including the nun-chucks and claw shield.
“You should talk. How do we know you’re not using your sixth sense?”
“Yeah.” Panthro and Snarf eyed her suspiciously.
“Do you think I would stoop to something that low?”
“Look me in the eye and say you’re not cheating. Truth is part of Thundera’s
code. I want you to look me straight in the eye without blinking or looking away
or anything and tell me you’re not using your sixth sense.”
Except for a smirk, Cheetara looked Lion-O right in the eye and said, “I’m not
using my sixth sense. That’s the truth. What you believe is your affair.” Lion-O
held Cheetara locked in a gaze for a second until finally, Lion-O looked away.
“Can I help it if women are superior?” she asked. Panthro and Lion-O gave
her dirty looks.
“That sounds like my high school physiology teacher talking.”
“It’s true. We’re smarter, we live longer, and we’re also tougher, as proven by
the fact that we can have children and men can’t.”
“I’ll believe that the day I see you give birth. C’mon, another round.”
“One more, then that’s it. Beating the pants off you two is getting boring.”
“Two?!” exclaimed an offended Snarf. “What am I? Chopped candy fruit?”
“Sorry Snarf,” Cheetara smiled. “Beating you three is starting to get boring.”
“SNYARF! That’s more like it! SNYARF!”
Cheetara’s got some nerve. And to think I licked hot fudge off of her last night,
Lion-O said to himself. I sure hope Snarf doesn’t find that mess. If the
Thunderkittens find out, I’ll never hear the end of it.
“Where in the Hell is Tygra, anyway?” asked Panthro. “It shouldn’t have taken
him this long to see whatever Snow Man wanted him to see.”
“You know Tygra,” said Cheetara. “He gets so wrapped up in his work that he
can spend years on it.”
Yeah that’s right, and he still wonders why Cheetara started sleeping with me.
And what’s more is that even though she still sleeps with him too, he doesn’t act
like she still sleeps with him. There’s just no pleasing some architects I guess.
“Maybe Wilykit and Wilykat bugged him to take a detour to the Berbil village
to get some candy fruit,” suggested Lion-O as he dealt out the cards.
That’s when a bomb exploded behind him and sent the four flying forward at
the steps. When the smoke cleared, they saw it was the Lunattacker.
“SNYARF! Lunatacs! We’ve got to get inside the lair and defend it!”
“Right! Which means, Cheetara, you’re gonna have to give me back my
“And my claw shield!”
“You actually thought I was going to keep them?”
“Well, my claw shield is made of gold, and I know you have an eye for gold.”
“Look at them!” screeched Luna. “Call themselves warriors! They allowed
themselves to be attacked like children!”
“Let’s just blow them away!” said Alluro.
“NO! I want to enjoy this! FIRE!”
Red Eye loaded another shell and they fired. The blow took down a chunk of
stonewall. The Thundercats fired back with the Cat’s eyes. The Lunattacker
pulled back, and as it did, the drawbridge was pulled in.
“NO! NO! Red Eye! Go forward! Advance!”
“But Luna, they’ll blast us to bits if we go forward!”
“If we go backwards, they’ll drop us into the mote!”
“We need more fire power Luna!” yelled Tug-Mug.
“You freeze power.” A calm and cool as ever Chilla opened a hatch and got
out on the front of the Lunattacker. Raising her arms during one of the pauses in
firing from the Cat’s Head, she fired up a blast of ice. Just as the eyes were
lighting up, the head became a solid block of ice.
“Is it me, or is it getting too cold for comfort in here?” asked Panthro.
“I do believe it is too cold, Panthro!” agreed Lion-O. “I think we can expect
them to be entering any second! Let’s split up!”
And just as Lion-O had predicted, the Lunatacs rammed their tank into and
through the Cats Lair doors. The Lunatacs wasted no time in shooting and
plundering whatever came into sight.
“Leave no stone unturned! Find the Thundercats and kick their pussy ass all
the way from here back to the moons of Plundarr!” screeched Luna. For once,
the Lunatacs were willing to oblige their self-proclaimed queen without
complaining about her voice.
Lion-O made it to the sword chamber and found the Sword of Omens was still
safe, and felt it was even safer once he had it in his hand. He started scouting
the lair that he knew like the back of his hand, pausing at every turn, until he
saw Alluro pass by. Alluro, in Lion-O’s opinion, was the hardest to beat of the
bunch, due to his pesky mind control powers. Luna was nothing without Amok,
Chilla would bend at the sight of rock salt, Red Eye could be blinded, and there
was always a way around Tug-Mug, but Alluro was trickier. Right now,
Lion-O had a chance to take him out, to zap him and put him in a coma. But
that was dishonorable, and honor was part of the Code of Thundera. But there
was the survival of his people to be taken into consideration as well. Which was
more important, the code or his people?
Alluro heard what sounded like a pin dropping and turned around to
investigate. He walked down the corridor and found that the dropped pin was
not a dropped pin at all, but actually a coin made of solid gold. The next thing
he knew, BAM! Lion-O jumped out and, before Alluro could raise the psych
club, Lion-O punched his lights out with the claw shield.
People a little safer. Code still unbroken. Lion-O one, Alluro, ZIP!
Panthro was stalking Tug-Mug. Panthro had to be very careful not to make too
much noise, so as not to alert the fat bastard Lunatac. If the fat bastard over
heard Panthro behind him, then the panther was finished. Panthro had to wait
for the right moment to strike him down, which would not be easy.
That moment came in a most unexpected form.
“Lion-O! So nice to see you! We really don’t see enough of each other!
NYAHAHAHA!” Tug-Mug shot out green beam at Lion-O, and Lion-O
stopped it with a blue beam from the sword. If only Lion-O had reacted faster,
he could’ve fried Tug-Mug and been on his way, but for now, all he could do
was hold the beam back and keep Tug-Mug at bay.
Panthro had waited long enough. Panthro leapt out from the shadows and
grabbed Tug-Mug from behind. Before Tug-Mug had a chance to realize what
was happening, Panthro hoisted the fat bastard off the ground and tossed him
into a wall.
“Way to go, Panthro!”
“No time to celebrate! We’ve gotta move!”
Cheetara prowled the hallways silently, trying to fight the empty feeling gnawing
her in the stomach. Fear. Staff held at the ready, she was as prepared as
possible, but sometimes, that wasn’t enough. Certainly not with the Lunatacs.
Cheetara felt a breeze from behind coming at her at an inhuman pace. Trusting
her reflexes, Cheetara ran ahead and took a left, and avoided the ice blast sent
from behind. “Run away and it’ll hurt move!”
“Hurt more, hurt more, hurt more!” came the voice of Amok as he lurched
through the hallway with Luna on his back as always.
Cheetara wasted no time and put her staff to the ground, sending an electric
current out to blast the hulking monster steed.
“ARGH! That’s dirty fighting, Thundercat!” screeched Luna.
“It’s only fair!”
“Hold that pose!” Chilla shot out an arctic blast. Cheetara tried to maneuver,
but the hallway was too narrow. She was encased in a block of ice.
“Good work, Ch-Ch-Chilla! Do you s-s-s-suppose you c-c-c-could turn the
heat up j-j-j-just a f-f-f-few degrees?”
“We’ve got to find Snarf and Cheetara!” Lion-O said too anxiously as he and
Panthro ran through the hallways.
“Right. But we’d better stick together, cause divided, we’d fall!”
“Did someone say fall?” The two Thundercats saw Red Eye at the next turn
and had barely enough time to duck as he threw a disc at them. When the disc
came back around, Panthro broke with a swift move of his nun-chucks.
“Throw down your weapons, Thundercats! I have a hostage!” Red Eye held
up Snarf by his tail.
“Throw down the sword, or the fur ball bites the dust!”
“Don’t listen Lion-O!”
“Shut up fur ball if you know what’s good for you!”
“If I drop my sword, you’ll kill him anyway!”
Snarf started biting Red Eye’s hand and was dropped. Snarf rushed to Lion-O
just as the lord started shooting at the ceiling, raining down piles of debris into
Red Eye’s eyes. “AH! Dirt! Dust! Eyes! Can’t see!”
“He finally admits it!” screeched Luna from behind. “And we’ve got his favorite
ho right here!”
Lion-O and Panthro turned to see Cheetara frozen in a block of ice, held in
place by Amok, with Chilla standing aside, smiling wickedly.
“Surrender, or Amok will make ice cubes out of your ho!”
“Cheetara is not a ho!” Lion-O protested. Before he or Panthro could say or
do anything else, they were frozen in separate blocks of ice.
“Men really need to learn how to chill out.”
Ten minutes later, the Lunatacs had completely dominated Cat’s Lair. They
were loitering around in the control room, which Chilla defrosted for the others,
and discussed what they would do with their prisoners.
“Lion-O will become my personal servant!” Luna screeched.
“I want Lion-O!” protested Chilla. “I froze him and practically took over the
“You can have the architect, Tygra!”
“But the architect is gay!”
“So straighten him [and his whip] out!”
“Come to think of it, where is our friend the architect?” asked Alluro. “And
where are those wretched Thunderbrats?”
“How the Hell should I know?” asked Luna.
“There’s no way we could’ve missed them,” said Chilla. “So where are they?”
“They could be at the Tower of Omens, or the Berbil Village,” said Tug-Mug.
“BLEGH! They’ve got to come home sooner or later! And when they do,
we’ll put those little pussies in slings! Today, Cat’s Lair, tomorrow, the Tower
of Omens, the day after tomorrow, Castle Plundarr, and the day after
tomorrow, the world!”
“What about Mumm-Ra?” asked Tug-Mug.
“Okay, the day after tomorrow, Mumm-Ra, and [then] the day after that, the
To Be Continued...
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