The Tick Versus 3rd Earth - Chapter 1
By Bill Taylor
The Tick Versus 3rd Earth
By Bill Taylor
NOTE: Remember, this is fan fiction. Don’t take it seriously. The Thundercats
were created by the late Ted Wolf and are trademarks of him, Rankin-Bass
productions and LORIMAR Television. The Tick was created by Ben Edlund
and is a copyright character of New England Comics or something. I didn’t
create these characters, I claim no credit, so please don’t sue me. This has no
connection with the continuity of either show.
Chapter 1: The Tick VS Mumm-Ra, The Ever-Living
The City. April 9, 2001.
Tick couldn’t believe he had let Arthur talk him into taking a day off to go to
the Museum Of Ancient History. Tick felt that there must be some sort of
evildoer, some opposer of justice, someone who lacked regard for even the
most sanitary of basic human practices of life that he could thwart. Alas, things
had been pretty quiet lately. No life threatening threats, no evil anti-global
powers, not even some pesky ninja terrorists. So Tick agreed to go with Arthur
to the museum out of boredom. He was still bored though.
“Hey Arthur, do you suppose there might be a shoplifter around here?”
“Tick, this is a museum!” replied the short, pudgy moth costumed Arthur. Even
though his costume looked like a rabbit, he was supposed to be a moth. “No
one’s going to shoplift anything from here!”
“You can never be too sure, Arthur,” said Tick. “There’s always someone out
there who wants to complete his living room or dining room decorations with
something fancy. Evil never takes a day off.”
“Seems to me that evil’s been having quite a vacation lately, Tick. Can’t you go
a few days without pounding some bad guy? You’ve got to take it easy.”
“Heroes can never take it easy, Arthur,” Tick replied with a quiet passion.
“God put me on this Earth for a reason. That reason was to punish evildoers! If
I’m not punishing evildoers, I’m just wasting my time. And God’s time. And the
“Tick, I really don’t think God’s going to care if you don’t whack a villain
everyday. Now SHHH! We’re heading for the Mumm-Ra exhibit.”
“SHHH! Listen!” Arthur whispered as he and the Tick entered the crowd of
people who were gathered in the Egyptian Wing of the museum. Tick put away
a Nestlé’s CRUNCH bar in his so rarely used pocket, intending to eat it later.
The woman on the stage, archaeologist Helena Johnson, standing at the podium
explaining the basis of the myth of Mumm-Ra to the people.
“These artifacts,” she said, indicating the sarcophagus, and various bits of
ancient Egyptian junk, as Tick noted it to be, “were found in the ruins of an
ancient pyramid in Egypt.” She picked up an old brick with Egyptian
hieroglyphs for the people to see. Strong woman. “They represent the ancient
deity known in Egyptian mythology as Mumm-Ra, the Ever-Living, who lived
as long as evil existed. It is believed that he was once an Egyptian prince who
tried to cheat death by offering himself to Ancient Spirits of Evil, so that he may
live for all eternity, as their servant of evil.”
“Keen,” Tick said with some slight interest.
“Tick!” Arthur said quietly, nudging his 7’0”, 400 lbs friend in the gut.
The lecture continued. “Mumm-Ra brought death and pestilence for many
years. Inflicting misery and sorrow to all who lived in Egypt. They say he even
opened gateways to Hell. His reign of darkness and tyranny did not end until a
hero from the sky, He-Man, Master Of The Universe, a champion of justice
whom the Egyptians believed their gods had sent to deliver them from this evil,
defeated Mumm-Ra and imprisoned him in the ruins of his own pyramid. They
say He-Man defeated Mumm-Ra through the monster’s one weakness.
Mumm-Ra could not bare the sight of his own reflection, the reflection of its
“Sounds like someone I’d like to meet,” Tick whispered to Arthur.
“Which one? He-Man or Mumm-Ra?” Arthur whispered back.
“Both of ‘em.”
The lecture dragged on for about another hour or so. The crowd dispersed and
Tick and Arthur found themselves drifting towards the European exhibit. One
person remained though. Sagin the Wolf, deposed leader of the even more
deposed Ninja organization in both Japan and America, an average size, evil
eyed, wiry Japanese man, stood pondering.
“Mumm-Ra?” he whispered to himself. “Maybe… just maybe… this can be of
some use to me.” He walked up to the stage where Helena Johnson was still
packing her things. “Ms. Johnson?”
She looked up. “Yes? Who are you?”
He pulled out a gun and held it to her face. “Never you mind.” He pointed
towards the sarcophagus. “Open it.” Helena did as she was told. Slowly, she
opened up the sarcophagus. Then smoke started emit itself from the ancient
tomb and evil laughter was heard.
Helena was frozen in fear. Sagin smiled with wicked satisfaction.
The tomb was blasted open with red light. A short, decayed form, dressed in
bandages and a red cape like Little Red Riding Hood, crawled out of the
“NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Free! Free at last!” he cried out.
“What? Who dares to address Mumm-Ra, the Ever-Living source of all that is
evil, unholy, and atheistic!”
“I, Sagin the Wolf, Master Ninja, dares to address you,” Sagin smiled
wickedly. “I am your master now!”
“What?” Mumm-Ra scoffed inhumanly.
“I freed you, now you are my servant! I’ve known of your existence for
sometime, Mumm-Ra, and now that I have freed you, you will do my bidding,
or taste my wrath!”
“Fool!” Mumm-Ra laughed. “You poor, pathetic, pompous, misguided
creature! You arrogant, swaggering, effeminate little man! You call yourself a
man? You are a man! You are less than a man! You are not even a boy! Not
even an effeminate little boy! You hold a gun to an unarmed woman and
demand that she do your bidding! You are more a little girl, I think! Yes! An
arrogant, effeminate little girl! A spoiled effeminate princess! Look now! The
effeminate little princess girl is wetting her pants!
Sagin looked down and saw that indeed he was wetting his pants.
“Wow, you really know how to demolish a guy,” Helena observed.
“Thank you! I’ve had lots of practice! Now, for your arrogance, Princess
Sagin, you wretched little girl of a man, an effeminate man, meet your doom,
Mumm-Ra! The Ever-Living!” The bandages began to unwrap themselves as
Mumm-Ra grew from a 5’6” 90 lbs weakling corpse to a 10’0” feet 700 lbs
giant with a devil snake helmet, a red cape and a red devil symbol on his chest.
Mumm-Ra held out his hands and zapped Sagin. Sagin disappeared in a bright
flash of purple light, leaving behind some smoke where he once stood. “Death
to all who dare to command Mumm-Ra! The Ever-Living!”
Mumm-Ra flew out into the room and started blasting everything in sight.
“Arthur! Did you just hear what I heard?” Tick asked, looking up from the
display case of an ancient sword.
“I did indeed!” agreed Arthur. “It sounded to me like an ancient devil monster
just got released and went on a rampage after zapping the effeminate Japanese
ninja who released him! You wanted a villain to fight, you got your wish!”
“Yes, we’ve no time to waste, Arthur! Spoon!” Tick and Arthur rushed out of
the Medieval Europe exhibit and back to the Egyptian Wing. There, they saw
the 10’0” monster Mumm-Ra rampaging, demolishing everything in sight.
“Monster villain! I say to you, knock it off!” yelled the Tick. “Spoon!”
Mumm-Ra stopped his rampaging and looked over his shoulder at the Tick
and Arthur. “What?! Who dares to call Mumm-Ra, the Ever-Living, a spoon?!”
“I, the Tick, Champion of Justice, dares to call you a spoon!” Tick really
hadn’t meant to call Mumm-Ra spoon, but since Mumm-Ra believed it to be an
insult, he decided to let it slide.
“I am not impressed, blue boy!”
“You’re not exactly a work of art yourself!”
“For that, I shall see you dead!”
“Oh yeah, just try it, ya screw!”
“You have just as well sealed your fate! Meet your doom, Mumm-Ra! The
Ever-Living!” Mumm-Ra zapped purple lightening at Tick and Arthur. Arthur
managed to dodge it, but Tick got hit and knocked through a wall. He shrugged
it off and stood up.
“The Ever-Living? Hey, [come to think of it,] that’s not PC! (PC: Politically
Correct)” yelled Tick. “You’re dead! You’re not mortal!”
“Oh shut up!” Mumm-Ra flew out at Tick, zapping purple lightening at him all
“Look out, Tick!” yelled Arthur. Tick stood his ground and Mumm-Ra missed
him. Mumm-Ra grabbed Tick and picked up off the ground by his throat.
Mumm-Ra outstood the tick by 3 feet and out weighed him by 300 lbs.
Mumm-Ra started choking Tick.
“Death to all who oppose Mumm-Ra! The Ever-Living source of- ARGH!”
Tick poked Mumm-Ra in his red eyes with his two fingers. Mumm-Ra
smacked his head into Tick’s and dropped him. Only slightly disoriented, Tick
jumped up and gave Mumm-Ra a left hook to the jaw (punched him in the jaw
with his left fist), followed by a right hook to the jaw (punched him in the jaw
with his right fist). Tick tried to kick Mumm-Ra in his crotch, but Mumm-Ra
grabbed his leg and threw him away, knocking him through a glass case
showcasing many Egyptian medallions and coins.
As Mumm-Ra came stomping over, Tick got up, picked up the glass exhibit
box and broke right in Mumm-Ra’s face. Mumm-Ra grabbed Tick by his face
and threw him up against a wall. Mumm-Ra grabbed Tick’s throat and started
banging his head up against the wall. Tick thrust his knee into Mumm-Ra’s
crotch, causing Mumm-Ra to lose his grip, throw Tick to the ground and then
fall over himself. As soon as Tick was back on his feet, Tick jumped him.
Tick and Mumm-Ra wrestled around the floor and rolled back to their feet,
trying to push each other back in a stand off. Mumm-Ra punched Tick in the
face, knocking him back not on the ground. Tick jumped up and grabbed the
fire sprinklers and started kicking Mumm-Ra in the face.
“ARGH! You chipped my tooth!”
Tick continued kicking Mumm-Ra in the face until finally the sprinklers gave
out under his weight and he dropped to the floor, Mumm-Ra momentarily
phased by the water that started spraying into his face. Tick got up and
punched Mumm-Ra in the stomach, then in the rib cage, and once Mumm-Ra
was clutching his gut, Tick hit him in the face.
Mumm-Ra threw his arms around Tick’s lower back and applied pressure,
trying to break his spine. Tick threw his palm into Mumm-Ra’s chin and kept
pushing up until finally, he broke Mumm-Ra off. Tick jumped onto Mumm-Ra’s
back and tried to wrestle him to the ground, but Mumm-Ra threw him off.
Mumm-Ra tried to put Tick in a headlock, twice, but twice Tick broke out of it.
Mumm-Ra punched him and this time Tick fell down. Mumm-Ra tried to step
on him, but Tick rolled clear. Tick punched Mumm-Ra right in the chest, then
head butted his chest, threw both fists combined into the chest, and finally, got
Mumm-Ra on his shoulders and threw him over.
Mumm-Ra stood up and grabbed Tick by his antennae and threw him around,
knocking him through a metal exit door. Tick got up just in time to see
Mumm-Ra coming at him. Tick kicked Mumm-Ra in the crotch, and while
Mumm-Ra was clutching himself, Tick started punching him in the face and tried
to break him down to the floor by slamming both fists onto his back. Mumm-Ra
“How do you like them apples, Mumm-Ra?”
Mumm-Ra stood back up. “Fool! You can never defeat the Ever-Living!
NYAHAHAHAHAH!” Tick started punching Mumm-Ra in the face again.
Mumm-Ra head butted Tick, but Tick hit him back. “Enough of this! I grow
weary of you!”
“I don’t like you much either!”
Mumm-Ra started shooting purple light at the Tick again. Tick tried to dodge
but being so big, it was hard. Tick got zapped a couple of times. Rolling out of
the way, Tick managed to hide behind some fallen exhibit cases while
Mumm-Ra just shot aimlessly. “Come out, Tick! We all must die sometime!”
“Not today, ugly!” Tick jumped back out and kicked Mumm-Ra in the crotch
for a third time. Mumm-Ra was so numb down there by that point he didn’t
care. He tried to punch Tick with a laser fist. Tick managed to duck it and
started punching Mumm-Ra in the stomach. After two blows to the evil
mummy’s gut, Tick punched Mumm-Ra in the face. Mumm-Ra hit Tick back
with his elbow. Tick reached up and grabbed Mumm-Ra by the wrists, trying to
hold him in one place. Mumm-Ra started floating off the ground and took Tick
with him. Mumm-Ra flew out of the museum with Tick still clinging to his wrists.
Arthur, who had been helping people get out of the museum, watched helplessly
as Tick and Mumm-Ra continued wrestling in the sky as they flew off to who
knows where and disappeared in the clouds.
“I knew I should’ve brought my wings!”
A brunette airline stewardess was setting down coffee on a tray table for a
passenger, oblivious to the fact that people could see her pink panties when she
bent down, her mini-skirt too mini for good taste. She looked out the window
and saw the blue super hero known as the Tick wrestling what seemed to be an
ancient mummy in the sky.
“There’s something you don’t see everyday.”
“The world trembled once at the mere mention of the name Mumm-Ra!”
Mumm-Ra explained to Tick as he flew and wrestled in the sky with the blue
super hero. “It shall do so again!”
“Not if I’ve got anything to say about it!” Tick spat defiantly in Mumm-Ra’s
Tick and Mumm-Ra flew all over the world in the sky, fighting each other,
locked in mortal and immortal combat, until finally reaching the Alaska.
Mumm-Ra took a plunge down towards a great lake he spotted down below.
The lake was frozen with ice, and Mumm-Ra kept going nose down first, with
Tick in front of him. Mumm-Ra smashed through the ice at 400 miles per hour,
going 50 feet down into the freezing water, not that it bothered an undead devil
priest. In the icy water, Mumm-Ra finally threw off the Tick and zapped him.
With his inhuman speed, Mumm-Ra flew back up to the opening in the ice he
had made, leaving Tick far behind in the water, trying to swim after him but not
having the power to go as fast as someone like Mumm-Ra.
Mumm-Ra stood above the broken ice, gloating. “Now pay the price for your
defiance of Mumm-Ra! The Ever-Living source of-What? No! NO!”
Mumm-Ra saw his reflection in the icy water. The one image he could not face
was the reflection of his own evil. Mumm-Ra looked away, trying to cover his
eyes, but when he saw the ice, he only saw a larger reflection. Mumm-Ra
screamed in terror, horrified by his own evil. The snow on the mountains began
to fall from the sound. Mumm-Ra managed enough strength to fly off before the
snow buried him along with the Tick. The snow completely covered the lake
and everything near it.
Mumm-Ra flew back to his sarcophagus, returning to his smaller form, and
closed it up to sleep inside for another thousand years, if not more.
A Few Months Later…
Arthur was watching the news. It had been months since Tick disappeared up
in Alaska after his fight with Mumm-Ra, the Ever-Living. Arthur was keeping a
close eye on the news, waiting to hear when they would say they found Tick,
whom Arthur had seen survive many a life threatening trap, as he was
nigh-invulnerable (almost invulnerable). If anyone could survive being stuck in
the frozen wasteland of Alaska after fighting a monster like Mumm-Ra, it was
Tick. But things were not looking so good.
“Good evening, Johnny Johnson here for Channel 13 News. Our top story, the
whereabouts of the City’s only moderately effective superhero, the Tick. Just
where in the Heck is he?” Johnny Johnson dragged the news on for a little
while, not giving Arthur what he really wanted to hear for about ten whole
“In closing, the Tick is presumed dead at this hour.”
Arthur nearly had a heart attack. “No. Say it isn’t so. Say it isn’t so.”
“It is so.”
“Officials have recalled all search parties and rescue teams and have officially
ended their search for the Tick, last seen battling some hideous monster in
Alaska, concluding that he must be dead. This is indeed a sad day for the City.
In other news, the Egyptian exhibit is sending back everything on Mumm-Ra,
Arthur turned off the TV set, tears breaking from his eyes and filling up his
goggles. Tick was by far not the smartest person Arthur had ever met, but he
was certainly the bravest and one of the best friends he had ever had. He and
Tick had taken on many adventures together and lived to tell the tale. “Tick…
To Be Continued… Naturally! What? You thought I was
just gonna end it here?
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